The Beginning

I have always wanted to start a blog. Even as a kid I wanted to author some kind of life-inspired-picture-word creation. At the time all that existed was scrapbooking, and if you know me at all you would agree that I don't have the patience or artistic talent required for that sort of endeavor. So I settled for dutifully writing in a journal, and taking a ridiculous number of pictures at every opportunity in the hopes that I would someday (after retirement perhaps) connect the two into a published work (or at least a bound one). But seriously, Al Gore invented the Internet back in 1999, why has it taken me a decade to start a weblog? Mostly it's because I am slightly neurotic. I couldn't start this blog without without thinking of an appropriate title. I felt like the title needed to encompass all of who I am and what I would have to say in one beautifully perfect phrase. I struggled with it for a while not getting anywhere, and then I remembered my favorite excerpt from Douglas Adams's Restaurant and the end of the Universe.

Context: A group of utterly useless individuals have crash landed on a planet with nothing but their jogging suits, and are trying to reinvent humanity.

"And the wheel," said the Captain, "what about this wheel thingy? It sounds a terribly interesting project."
"Ah," said the marketing girl, "well, we're having a little difficulty there."
"Difficulty?" exclaimed Ford. "Difficulty? What do you mean, difficulty? It's the single simplest machine in the entire Universe!"
The marketing girl soured him with a look. "All right Mr. Wiseguy," she said, "you're so clever, you tell us what color it should be."

Not wanting to be the butt of the joke, I decided to suck it up and just settle on some sort of title. Unfortunately, this still proved to be a difficult task (neurosis is a bitch!) so I decided to hold a contest to name my blog. Really. I know, I'm ridiculous. I promised beers and a cake to the one who could think of the best name. I got a grand total of two entries. I took this to mean that the name wasn't important and that I was making a big deal about nothing, but perhaps it also speaks to my cake making abilities. Finally, I decided I liked the word "nutate" suggested by a friend and well, I'm a sucker for alliteration.

Now to be serious for a second (just one I promise), I've had a rough year. Nothing too horrible, but life changing just the same. I've been avoiding my old journal, the one I've kept since I was 16, the one with over 1000 pages, the one I tried so hard to finish and came within a mere 20 pages of doing so. It was an old book, a different tone ran through it. I was questioning, always questioning, never stating, never demanding. I don't want to talk to that journal anymore. It knows my ways, it's tired of my empty promises, those not empty of intent, but strength; conviction.

I am new. I am done waiting, I am done compromising. I am who I have always wanted to be. I am in control. In 10 days I leave for 3 weeks in Europe. I have never been there.
I bought a new journal in anticipation of this trip, but my journey has really already started. It's bigger than that, I'm not sure how long it is, I'm not even sure what it is, but I do know... I am excited!